“It was true that I didn’t have much ambition, but there ought to be a place for people without ambition, I mean a better place than the one usually reserved. How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened at 6:30 a.m. by an alarm clock, leap out of bed, dress, force-feed, shit, piss, brush teeth and hair, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially you made lots of money for somebody else and were asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so?”
― Charles BukowskiFactotum

Love is a Dog From Hell

Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash

“there is a loneliness in this world so great
that you can see it in the slow movement of
the hands of a clock.

people so tired
mutilated
either by love or no love.

people just are not good to each other
one on one.

the rich are not good to the rich
the poor are not good to the poor.

we are afraid.

our educational system tells us
that we can all be
big-ass winners.

it hasn’t told us
about the gutters
or the suicides.

or the terror of one person
aching in one place
alone

untouched
unspoken to

watering a plant.”

― Charles BukowskiLove Is a Dog from Hell

I must insist

Photo by Elijah Hail on Unsplash

I must insist things
get better than this or else
I might disappear.

I got hit this week with a tough bout of depression that really knocked me on my ass and makes me want to curl up in bed and stay there.

Or else empty my bank account and run away, but such is the state of that affair, I wouldn’t get very far.

Clinical depression is a serious disease. Sometimes I think people with depression are pegged as lazy fakers (I definitely have felt that, and it makes it all so much worse), but this is a real disease of the brain and needs to be treated as such.

I wish I had the energy to write more on this now, but I don’t. Because that’s how it goes.

I don’t know what I’m doing…

… but I’m doing it anyway.

That’s my new, additional motto.

Despite appreciating the WordPress community that comes from having the most simple “Follow” button on the sidebar, I hate having to pay extra for my own website when I already have my own hosting for sites.

I tell myself (and you, random readers) having one website will simplify things, and I can do a lot more with a self-hosted WordPress site than I could on the dot com.

I want to add a lot of my old content to this site, maybe even import eight to ten years of old posts, ha, why not? I have a few project ideas up my sleeve as well. I’m excited to write more and get some goals accomplished, which all include writing more, go figure!

If you followed me, yay! If not, get on that 🙂

Onward!

People tend to dwell more on negative things than on good things. So the mind then becomes obsessed with negative things, with judgments, guilt and anxiety produced by thoughts about the future and so on.
-Eckhart Tolle